This has been an interesting path for me over the past 5 or so years. I grew up in the Utah LDS church with the goals of going on a mission and getting married to a returned missionary in the temple. That changed when I met Chris- he's not Mormon, or really any religion. Well, being the stout Mormon young woman that I was, I had grand dreams of converting him and his entire family to "the truth". I think I was a little naive. Living away from the mormon culture taught me a lot of things- Mainly- that God is in everything! I am now no longer attending the Utah LDS church, but am currently going to an Assemblies of God church. To say this has been a big change for me would be an understatement. I am still going through a myriad of emotions although they aren't as constant today as they have been over the last two years.
In some ways I feel betrayed by my upbringing. I feel as though I was taught that I could never actually hear God- that He would only respond to me by a "burning in my bosom". That I had to be extra good(an extra good Mormon) to receive blessings and expect miracles. That reading the scriptures with your family is hard to do and finding time to read them by yourself was next to impossible unless you were a super mom. Also, talking about God was rather taboo- He is too mighty to be talked about lightly in mere conversation, talk of God is reserved for Sundays and testimony meeting at girls camp.
I feel like an idiot sometimes in church- the one I go to now. It is hard to let go of preconceive ideas- especially if you have believed them all your life.
Every once in a while, I will be talking to a friend or family member who is also a LDS member, and I just think- "What if I am wrong? where am I leading my family? " Because in the LDS faith, once you know the "truth"(such as the LDS church is the one and only true church) and turn from it- there is almost no coming back. That is a scary thought, even though I have many testimonies from God that I am now where I need to be.
How can I tell I am teaching my kids what they need to know? How can I keep on the right path and not veer off again by so much? I look back on who I was, and how I was and I was arrogant! I don't want to be like that anymore- I won't join another church or be baptized into another church because I fear I will fall into the trap again of thinking I know it all and there is nothing left for me to learn. On the other hand, I don't want to be so wishy-washy that I am following after every little change in the wind.
It's frustrating because I think my story, my testimony needs to be said- it needs to be told to other people, but I go from one extreme to the other thinking "I don't want to take people from their faith" to "it's of no importance to anyone but me, and besides, it sounds dumb when I try to explain"
Anyway, I just would like some thought- I guess there isn't really a question here, but I needed to get this out.
Thanks!
~Carrie
In some ways I feel betrayed by my upbringing. I feel as though I was taught that I could never actually hear God- that He would only respond to me by a "burning in my bosom". That I had to be extra good(an extra good Mormon) to receive blessings and expect miracles. That reading the scriptures with your family is hard to do and finding time to read them by yourself was next to impossible unless you were a super mom. Also, talking about God was rather taboo- He is too mighty to be talked about lightly in mere conversation, talk of God is reserved for Sundays and testimony meeting at girls camp.
I feel like an idiot sometimes in church- the one I go to now. It is hard to let go of preconceive ideas- especially if you have believed them all your life.
Every once in a while, I will be talking to a friend or family member who is also a LDS member, and I just think- "What if I am wrong? where am I leading my family? " Because in the LDS faith, once you know the "truth"(such as the LDS church is the one and only true church) and turn from it- there is almost no coming back. That is a scary thought, even though I have many testimonies from God that I am now where I need to be.
How can I tell I am teaching my kids what they need to know? How can I keep on the right path and not veer off again by so much? I look back on who I was, and how I was and I was arrogant! I don't want to be like that anymore- I won't join another church or be baptized into another church because I fear I will fall into the trap again of thinking I know it all and there is nothing left for me to learn. On the other hand, I don't want to be so wishy-washy that I am following after every little change in the wind.
It's frustrating because I think my story, my testimony needs to be said- it needs to be told to other people, but I go from one extreme to the other thinking "I don't want to take people from their faith" to "it's of no importance to anyone but me, and besides, it sounds dumb when I try to explain"
Anyway, I just would like some thought- I guess there isn't really a question here, but I needed to get this out.
Thanks!
~Carrie
