Humor http://hopeofzion.com/forums/13 en-us Copyright 2006, Kickapps feeds@kickapps.com (FeedMaster) webmaster@kickapps.com (WebMaster) Thu, 01 Apr 2010 03:39:10 GMT Kickapps Feeds 1.0 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss 60 {pics-1.1 "http://www.icra.org/ratingsv02.html" l gen true for "http://kickapps.com" r (nz 1 vz 1 lz 1 oz 1 cz 1 ) "http://www.rsac.org/ratingsv01.html" l gen true for "http://kickapps.com" r (n 0 s 0 v 0 l 0 )) Search Search Domain q http://kickapps.com/search/direct/ <![CDATA[ Cartoons ]]> http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2798/t/Cartoons.html http://www.gocomics.com/nonsequitur/

See cartoon for 1/27/10 ]]> feeds@kickapps.com (servant) http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2798 Wed, 27 Jan 2010 12:24:55 PST <![CDATA[ The economy is so bad that... ]]> http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2795/t/The-economy-is-so-bad-that-.html The economy is so bad that:


I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico ..

Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

The Mafia is laying off judges.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

]]> feeds@kickapps.com (HopeOfZion) http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2795 Wed, 13 Jan 2010 08:11:37 PST <![CDATA[ Computers ]]> http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2647/t/Computers.html
You can blow on the paint and make it go faster...... ]]> feeds@kickapps.com (servant) http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2647 Tue, 21 Jul 2009 07:07:27 PST <![CDATA[ Missouri Farmer ]]> http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2645/t/Missouri-Farmer.html A Missouri Sheriff stops at a ranch in rural MO and talks with an old farmer.

He tells the farmer, 'I need to inspect your ranch for illegal grown drugs.'

The old farmer says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.'

http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2645 Tue, 21 Jul 2009 04:09:51 PST <![CDATA[ A Young Bagpiper ]]> http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2584/t/A-Young-Bagpiper.html The funeral was to be held at a cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost; and being a typical man did not stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the crew, who were eating lunch, but the hearse was nowhere in sight.
I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and stepped to the side of the open grave, where I saw the vault lid already in place.
I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, but this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I played out my heart and soul.
As I played the workers began to weep. I played, and I played, like I'd never played before: "From My Home" and "The Lord is my... ]]> feeds@kickapps.com (servant) http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2584 Sun, 08 Mar 2009 06:09:37 PST <![CDATA[ The Onion - Peace in the Mideast ]]> http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2578/t/The-Onion-Peace-in-the-Mideast.html http://www.theonion.com/c...standing_conflict_ends_as ]]> feeds@kickapps.com (servant) http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2578 Tue, 24 Feb 2009 06:31:27 PST <![CDATA[ In memory of... ]]> http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2572/t/In-memory-of-.html And then the trouble started. ]]> feeds@kickapps.com (HopeOfZion) http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2572 Tue, 17 Feb 2009 12:45:30 PST <![CDATA[ Something I read in the Reader's Digest ]]> http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2561/t/Something-I-read-in-the-Reader-s-Digest.html He asks her, "Y'all go to Harvard?"
She replies, "Yale."
So he shouts, "Y'ALL GO TO HARVARD?" ]]> feeds@kickapps.com (servant) http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2561 Tue, 13 Jan 2009 04:02:38 PST <![CDATA[ A song dedicated to mothers.... ]]> http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2547/t/A-song-dedicated-to-mothers-.html http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMhuAtyFCrw

]]> feeds@kickapps.com (servant) http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2547 Mon, 22 Dec 2008 08:21:03 PST <![CDATA[ How CD's are made ]]> http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2497/t/How-CD-s-are-made.html http://www.todaysbigthing.com/2008/06/30

]]> feeds@kickapps.com (servant) http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2497 Wed, 20 Aug 2008 12:00:22 PST <![CDATA[ Confucius Says - for Gary (Servant) ]]> http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2460/t/Confucius-Says-for-Gary-Servant-.html Confucius Says:


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Man who run in
front of car get tired.




*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Man who run behind
car get exhausted.




*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Man with one
chopstick go hungry.




*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Man who scratch his behind
should not bite fingernails.




*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Man who eat many
prunes get good run for money.




*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


War does not
determine who is right,
war determine
who is left.




*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who drive like
hell, bound to get there. feeds@kickapps.com (HopeOfZion) http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2460 Thu, 19 Jun 2008 09:55:09 PST <![CDATA[ 13....13....13... ]]> http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2446/t/13-13-13-.html I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the
patients were shouting ,'13....13....13'

The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the
planks and looked through to see what was going on.


Someone poked me in the eye with a stick.



Then they all started shouting '14....14....14'... ]]> feeds@kickapps.com (HopeOfZion) http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2446 Wed, 04 Jun 2008 08:23:51 PST <![CDATA[ Where did we come from? ]]> http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2384/t/Where-did-we-come-from-.html
The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve and they had children and then all mankind was made.

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'

The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.' ]]> feeds@kickapps.com (HopeOfZion) http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2384 Tue, 01 Apr 2008 06:26:33 PST <![CDATA[ A "Healing" Dog... ]]> http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2365/t/A-Healing-Dog-.html
The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife. "Fetch the Bible," he commanded.

The dog bounded to the books helf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner. "Now find Psalm 23," he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw. The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog.

That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses.

The visitors were ver y impressed.... ]]> feeds@kickapps.com (Wildman) http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2365 Tue, 11 Mar 2008 18:26:55 PST <![CDATA[ You might live in Michigan if.... ]]> http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2354/t/You-might-live-in-Michigan-if-.html

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Michigan.

If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Pellston is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Michigan.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Michigan.

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Michigan. feeds@kickapps.com (HopeOfZion) http://hopeofzion.com/topic/2354 Mon, 03 Mar 2008 07:23:08 PST <![CDATA[ Election promises ]]> http://hopeofzion.com/topic/1623/t/Election-promises.html

While walking down the street one day, a US Senator is tragically hit by
a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at
the entrance.

"Welcome to Heaven", says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems
there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts,
you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in", says the man.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is
have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose
where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven", says the
Senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down,
down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of
a green... ]]> feeds@kickapps.com (bcoulam) http://hopeofzion.com/topic/1623 Wed, 27 Feb 2008 00:40:49 PST <![CDATA[ Going the Wrong Way ]]> http://hopeofzion.com/topic/1624/t/Going-the-Wrong-Way.html
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there''s a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!" ]]> feeds@kickapps.com (Wildman) http://hopeofzion.com/topic/1624 Mon, 18 Feb 2008 11:26:57 PST <![CDATA[ When you Hate your Job, read this: ]]> http://hopeofzion.com/topic/1625/t/When-you-Hate-your-Job-read-this-.html
Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair.

Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

"Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized ".

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times ,"I am so glad I do... ]]> feeds@kickapps.com (Wildman) http://hopeofzion.com/topic/1625 Fri, 15 Feb 2008 11:07:33 PST <![CDATA[ Jesus, satan, and computers ]]> http://hopeofzion.com/topic/1626/t/Jesus-satan-and-computers.html
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They faxed. They e-mailed. They e-mailed with attachments. They downloaded. They did spreadsheets! They wrote reports. They created labels and cards. They created charts and graphs. They did some genealogy reports They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off...

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse... ]]> feeds@kickapps.com (Wildman) http://hopeofzion.com/topic/1626 Thu, 14 Feb 2008 12:25:38 PST <![CDATA[ The Cab Driver ]]> http://hopeofzion.com/topic/1627/t/The-Cab-Driver.html
A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces his presence to St. Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book. Upon reading the entry for the cabbie, St. Peter invites him to pick up a silk robe and a golden staff and to proceed into Heaven.

A preacher is next in line behind the cabby and has been watching these proceedings with interest. He announces himself to St. Peter. Upon scanning the preacher's entry in the Big Book, St. Peter furrows his brow and says, "Okay, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff."

The preacher is astonished and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie."

St. Peter responded matter-of-factly: "This is heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed." ]]> feeds@kickapps.com (Wildman) http://hopeofzion.com/topic/1627 Fri, 08 Feb 2008 10:58:57 PST